A few tips for the kids
Sunday, May 13, 2007
I can’t really sleep tonight, so I guess the best thing to do is to type something and hopefully fall asleep halfway through.
I recently realised that I am now 20, and is technically one-third of the way towards my expiry date. I also realised that in my entire life so far, I have never really given anyone advice. Hence, I have decided to do some good to society and post some tips for the kids on my blog.
Why my blog? Well, first and foremost, my blog is a true blue family-oriented read.
I am serious. The blog address contains the word ‘love’ and every page is accompanied by a red-and-black rainbow that looks like artwork from a kindergarten. Doesn’t that make you just wanna hug someone?
Furthermore, the content is totally geared towards family-reading. Just check out my entries about milk, studies, health issues, and even sexual harassment at the workplace! There’s something for everyone here.
Hence, without further ado, I bring to you HongXiang’s Tips for the Kids©!
1) Do not trust your teachers.
I am speaking from experience.
During my primary school days, I didn't do my homework much. My teachers used to tell me that if I don’t do my homework, I will end up in EM3 and not be able to make it to Anderson Sec.
I stayed in EM1 and qualified for Anderson Sec.
During my secondary school days, I got smarter and started copying homework, instead of just doing them. My teachers said that they will find the ones who are copying, and make sure they get expelled.
They never found out about me, and I stayed in Anderson Sec for four years before graduating with a few As.
During my poly days, I skipped school regularly. My lecturers (yep, even teachers get upgrades!) said that if I continue to cut classes, I won’t be able to finish in three years.
I thought, ‘What the heck?’, and continued skipping classes. I graduated within three years.
As you can see, teachers are usually not very good at predicting the future. Therefore, never believe a teacher when they tell you ‘you will never make it’.
Really, at the end of it all, we are beautiful, no matter what they say.
2) NS is really bad
Once again, I am speaking from experience.
I have been enlisted for about six months now, and here’s a short summary of how it has been so far:
The first month was really bad.
The second month got worse.
The third month was the worst.
And then it sort of went into a decline after that.
However, as tragic as NS may seem, it is good to motivate yourself during the two year stint. One good way, as I found, is to tell yourself that NS is actually a devious scheme concocted by the wrinkled things at AWARE.
No, really. ALL guys have to serve two years, while the women are free to improve themselves and find real jobs. NS is, essentially, a scheme to give women a headstart in life.
I look around at the womenfolk in my office, and truly, they just reaffirm the fact that most women need this headstart desperately.
3) Obey the Law
The law is meant to protect all the rich people in the world, and poor folks like us should respect it all the time.
If you don’t, however, the police will come and catch you. They will ask you several thought-provoking questions, and then provide you with free food and lodging.
I guess the best way to deter crime is free food and lodging.
And no, I’m not speaking from experience on this one.
4) Make your dreams come true
Seriously though, we all ought to have dreams, and strive to make them reality.
This, however, does not apply to everyone.
For example, I am a good example of a person who should not make his/her dreams come true.
One of my most vivid dreams had me stuck inside a hash brown. Just imagine the possible health problems this may cause if it really took place.
Recently, I also dreamt that I was a Jewish robber who went around robbing my friends in a miniature Jeep. This, I think, may cause some friction between these friends and myself.
As you can see, this tip is not for everybody. If you find that making your dreams come true may conflict with Tip #3, STOP.
That’s all!
It doesn’t matter if you’re a kid physically, mentally, unfortunately or supposedly, all you have to do is to obey the four tips with maniacal fervor, and you will be just fine.
At least till you hit 20.
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on Sunday, May 13, 2007 at 2:53 AM.
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