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I was sexually harassed.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Yes, I was sexually harassed. By a wrinkled old man, no less.

He did it while I was walking back to office today. That sneaky old fella sneaked up to me from behind, stuck his finger into my belt loop and said softly, "You're not wearing a belt."

My entire world came crashing down. For twenty years I was trying to live a chaste life amidst the corruption that envelops society, and now, this happens to me. The only worse thing that can happen right now is that the old man has an uniform fetish.

In my moment of folly, I actually replied him.

"I woke up late... Forgot about the belt."

He simply said:

"... Soldier."

He smiled and walked off. Perhaps sneaked off might have been a better description. Perhaps he went off in search of another target. But I was in no state of mind to think about all these possibilities. I was devastated. My worst fears came true.

An old man sneaked up on me, put his finger into my belt loop and told me about my missing belt. And he has a fetish for soldiers.

Whatever little hopes I had left were shattered. Utterly.

What made it worse is the fact that I actually woke up thinking that it will be a great day. This was due to a dream I had while sleeping. I actually dreamt that I woke up inside a giant hash brown and had to eat my way out. I succeeded and woke up feeling really satisfied at myself. Heck, I even smelled flowers, only to realise that the scent came from my lavender soap. That insignificant fact did little to dampen my spirits, however.

But now, the appearance of that wrinkled old man ruined everything. I guess I'll have to end here, and bury my head in pillows, sobbing silently for the decay of mankind.

Goodbye, cruel world.

Footnote: For your information, the old man carries an ugly red leather briefcase. If you see any old man with an ugly red leather briefcase, take care. You may wish to start by wearing a belt and steering away from wearing green.

Footnote No. 2: I was just kidding about the crying part. I am actually going to buy hash browns. That entire phrase about crying is just an avant-garde metaphor for buying hash browns.

Author: Ye » Comments:

the obligatory new year post.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Even though I spent the first minutes of 2007 drinking beer and playing with hamsters at my friend's place, I managed to come up with a list of New Year resolutions that would not be too hard to achieve. Of course they have to be easy, it sucks to fail at New Year resolutions year after year, right?

1. Gain 15kg by 2008

Well, my height is about 187cm and I only weigh in at 60kg. Grossly underweight, man. It also gives me an excuse to eat more junk food.

2. Save $500 by 2008

What are you laughing at? $500 is a lot for an NSF drawing $350/month. It's times like this I feel worse off than a Bangladeshi construction worker.

3. Learn how to cook 25 dishes

Currently, I only know how to make Scrambled Eggs, Carbonara and Albondigas. Sucks. Long way off my target.

4. Tidy up my room

It's been part of my annual New Year resolutions list for 5 years straight. Still not done, though.

There you have it. My list of resolutions for 2007.

This is gonna be a long year.


Author: Ye » Comments: