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An inconvenient truth.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your hats and sphincters for this - the blog has achieved an incredible milestone with a total of fifty posts!

Some people may claim that taking almost a year and a half to reach fifty posts is actually a failure, but I beg to differ.

I do not know why I am begging to differ, but I'll do it anyway.

Unfortunately though, I'm afraid I have to pen this entry with a heavy heart.

Last Thursday, according to my sources, it was raining hailstones in Central Singapore. Hailstones! In March! In sunny Singapore!

And hence, I decided to write this entry with great haste.

(A journalism lecturer once taught me the importance of timely articles. I'm afraid I've never really grasped that concept.)

Now I don't really like to toot my own horn, but I am writing this with the aim of serving the greater good. In fact, if serving the greater good was a crime, you can arrest me right now.

I am not an alarmist by nature but let me tell you this -

WE ARE SCREWED.

(It is capitalised, so it is very important.)

You see, sunny Singapore never had hailstones. In fact, the only times we had rain were December and days when I decide to leave the house. And out of the blue, hailstones just fall from the sky.

And I know what is going to happen next.

Crop circles.

Now it is a well-known fact to those who know it well that crop circles are the sign that the world is ending. They are the messages from the Maize God; a visual expression of the agonies of the landscape; a last-ditch cry of pain. But is anyone paying any attention?

So before the crop circles strike the last bastion of democracy (otherwise known as Singapore), we must rise and defend our soil from further defilement.

And in the spirit of serving the greater good, let me present to you the HongXiang Method.

In a nutshell, the HongXiang Method is the only one that has managed to solve all the problems in life.

There are actually two parts to this Method, and they are -

(Put on your coffee, grannies. You won't want to miss this!)

1) Stare at the problem until it gives up and walks away.

2) Throw money at it.

Cherish this entry, my friends, for you have learnt an important lesson of Life.

Author: Ye » Comments:

Change is in the air, my friends.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Due to a sorry lack of creativity, this entry will begin in the same manner as most others on this blog - with an excuse designed to hide my laziness and blame the lack of updates on an entirely unrelated matter.

As I've mentioned many times before, I was forcefully conscripted into the Singaporean Army (I really am a pacifist, despite my daily actions) in 2006 and since then, life has been quite a bore.

In fact, if people were to take a picture of my current state, I will probably look something like this:



And this boredom is exactly the reason why there were no updates until now.

(Of course, I could always write about how the Blob is able to make people seasick even though they are on solid ground; or how the Singaporean government, the Shining Beacon of Democracy and Freedom, decided that terrorists are really no harm to the public at all, but that would be too boring.)

You see, I have been so bored that I actually started thinking about my future. In fact, I even considered the possibility of starting a career after my conscription ends. That's how bored I was.

Now many of you may say that taking a job should be the last thing a young man of resourcefulness and talent should ever have to do. A young man of resourcefulness and talent should live off his wits, play the field, wheel and deal and do things of that nature.

However, we all know that I am not that aforementioned young man.

And so, I pondered about possible career choices.

Unfortunately, I do not have a passion for anything in this world. Unlike necrophiliacs, I do not have a career in the undertaking industry to look forward to.

(I apologise for the appalling and unsavoury reference to necrophilia. I assure you that my original intention was to say that 'unlike people with a penchant for spanking people with truncheons while wearing a uniform, I do not have a career in the police force to look forward to.' However, legal concerns prevented me from doing that. And hence, I did not.)

I set about surfing around websites which claim to have the comprehensive list of careers that yield the most with the less effort because, after all, what can be more reliable than a website set up by an anonymous stranger?

(This spate of surfing did bring a question to my mind though - why do companies like Golden Boronia start a website? Would anyone ever go, 'Gee, I wish I knew more about nougats. I know! I'll check it out on the Golden Boronia website!' Hm, more things to ponder about in office.)

To say that I decided to become an investment banker, draw an attractive salary, marry a fine woman, have two kids, retire in the countryside of Canada, start a pumpkin patch and look forward to living off returns from lucrative investments would be to state the obvious.

And none of us want that.

So, perhaps in a move motivated by public-spiritedness, I decided to start a website. The next thing to decide on was what the website will be about.

That, my friends, is the easy part.

You know that I hate to toot my own horn, but despite not knowing any foreign languages and struggling with English and Mandarin (the two languages that I know) on a word-by-word basis, I consider myself to be quite the linguist.

And isn't it always better to stick to what one does best?

Hence, in light of my remarkable language skills and public-spiritedness, I will run a website where the writer (I) makes remarks on everything that does not relate to him.

Author: Ye » Comments: