Knock, knock, knocking on the backdoor.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The past few days were probably one of the most exciting periods in Singaporean history, almost as exciting as the day the Singaporean Overlord cried on national TV in 1965.
What the heck am I going on about?
Well, the entire saga started when a bunch of kids got bored with life and started a website. They weren't really smart people though, so the only way to garner attention to their website was to say something controversial. Their choice? To legalize anal sex!
A little while later, another bunch of people received the news of the new very-controversial website and decided to have one of their own. They were extremely creative and started a website with a different name. The message was different as well, and that was to keep anal sex banned.
Yes, anal sex is still banned in Singapore, like bubble gum, littering and lynching.
Anyway, a fight was brewing in the horizon.
In the blue corner, we have repeal377a.com. These people are a bunch of activists who are trying to get the law changed, so that we can all have anal sex legally. Their objective is to push for equal treatment before the law. Sure, I mean, legal anal sex is all about equal treatment before the law, and not one thing about pleasure, right?
On the other hand, we have a group of parents and conservatives who are trying to keep the law at keep377a.com. Basically, these people believe that repealing 377a of the Penal Code will turn all our kids gay and corrode our values. Plus, they also know for a fact that it is anal sex, and not promiscuous sex, that spreads HIV. Very smart observations.
And just as we expected, the funkier pink brigade has their own mascot - the famous wizard Dumbledore, who is known to perform wonders with his wand.
The conservative relics, however, chose to name everyone as their mascot, calling everyone 'The Majority'. Smart move in doing that, cause that just made that old lady in the corner a fighter for their cause.
So they got their own websites and started slinging shots at each other, calling each other prudes and homos. Ah, just another intellectual debate in Singapore.
Then the law spoke. Apparently, the law of the land has decided that anal sex should be illegal still.
This means that all of us, no matter straight or gay, must take note of a few things:
(in order of importance)
1) The pick-up line, 'Can I push that stool in for you?' is still illegal.
2) There could be a new team designated to take down people who engage in anal sex. Butt Patrol anyone? Oh, and hurray for new employment opportunities!
3) In order to assist the Butt Patrollers, a similar squad of canines must be set-up. We could call it the Butt Mutts.
4) Public displays of affection towards unicorns are still frowned upon.
5) Anal sex is actually illegal.
Hence, here's my advice to all the hot-blooded adolescents out there in Singapore: remember, anal sex is just like littering - it's illegal when you get caught!
Author: Ye » Comments:
I feel like shit.
Monday, October 22, 2007
And that's exactly how I feel.
One reason is that I've only had about four hours of sleep. That's only half of the amount I require to stay healthy and generally less depressed. Plus, that's what the average human needs anyway, and I'm pretty much your average human being.
Being the strict regimental Army guy also requires me to divide my day up into a timetable. For now, my timetable is divided into three parts - bumming around in office for about eight hours, bumming around at home for about five hours, and then sleeping for about eight hours. Isn't my life productive?
So this has screwed up my timetable big time, and I don't like to be screwed around.
(You may wonder where the other three hours are. Well, here's a surprise for you, I prepare for work. I shower and wear clothes and do things like that. And yes, that can take up three hours, before and after work.)
To make things worse, I am currently suffering from a mysterious illness. Just to let you know, I have been suffering from a viral infection since last Thursday. I have no idea what virus it is, but it gives me a runny nose, a cough and a bad headache. I have this sneaky feeling that it might just be flu.
And that's not even the mysterious illness I currently suffer from. No no no.
I woke up this morning with a weird dull pain in my right armpit. I have no idea what it is. Don't tell me bullshit like 'Oh you must have fallen on your right armpit.' Give me a break. Let's face it, nobody ever falls on his armpit. It's just impossible.
So to sum it up, I'm feeling extremely miserable on a rainy Monday morning because I do not have enough sleep and may be suffering from a Cancer of the Armpits.
What a brilliant start to the week.
Author: Ye » Comments:
I'm an adult now.
Friday, October 19, 2007
If you noticed, the address of this blog has now changed from long and inconvenient http://everyoneloveshongxiang.blogspot.com, to the short and concise http://everyoneloveshongxiang.com.
This change was brought about by a kind soul I met online. Instead of using blogspot.com to host my blog, I can now use his webspace to do it. Nifty.
This also means I own a piece of the Internet. I have never really owned anything in my life, so this is a novelty.
Well, I'm still twiddling with it for now, so I don't really know the real potential of this thing.
But one thing I know for sure, is that I have my own domain, and with it, my own email address.
HONGXIANG@EVERYONELOVESHONGXIANG.COM. How cool is that?!
My colleague commented that it sounds like a porn-site, but I've never been to one before, so I don't really know.
Anyway, I don't really have anything to update with. All I really wanted to say was this:
I own PROPERTY.
Thanks.
Author: Ye » Comments:
Because they're worth it.
Monday, October 08, 2007
I'll be totally honest about this - I wasn't intending to update this blog at all today. However, I found out that it was Animal Week right now.
Being the socially responsible blogger that I am, I felt compelled to inform everybody who's reading the blog that this week, 4th Oct to 10th Oct, is the official World Animal Week 2007.
The official message is apparently 'Save the Fauna!'
No wait, I'm not so sure about that.
Anyway, I have heard people say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and being the lazy sod that I am, I shall post a picture instead of a thousand words.
As we can all see, gorillas rule. From that picture alone, we can possibly conclude that the gorillas are ideologically more advanced than many churches in the world. They also happen to look like my friends, so I feel a certain emotional bondage to them.
I also have here a little poem about animals -
I gaze at the sky,
And try to fly.
But no matter how I try,
I can never fly high.
One day, a man came around,
And it was time to say goodbye.
I can no long try now,
'cause I am in a chicken pie.
In case you're intellectually challenged, the poem is indeed about chickens. I like chickens.
To conclude this post, I would like to end with a strong message - save the fauna!
Because gorillas rule and chickens cluck.
Author: Ye » Comments:
Let's talk about sex, baby.
Monday, October 01, 2007
The title of this entry is not at all suggestive. In fact, it is entirely factual and was derived from an incident that happened to me a few days ago.
Last week, I brought a new colleague of mine to the shop at my office's canteen. My colleague wanted to order a new name-tag, which he says will reflect his name more accurately.
So I brought him to the shop which does name-tags and he placed his order.
I had nothing to do while he wrote his name, so instead of staring at the shopkeeper, I started yakking to her.
It was a bad move.
One good way of talking to strangers (now I'm not saying that we should, but it's just a good way that we can) is to talk about the occasion. So I said, 'Hey can I change my name-tag to 'H. Ye' instead of my full name, 'Ye HongXiang?''
The shopkeeper said, 'Why do you want that?'
So I explained myself, and said that I didn't want to have my full name plastered on my chest all the time.
She gave me a look and said, 'Well, if you have money, you can have anything.'
I have to admit that the sexual tension in the air then made me rather uncomfortable.
Author: Ye » Comments:
