My life is exciting.
Friday, June 29, 2007
It’s been a while since I last attempted to write something coherent on my blog, and frankly, quite a lot has happened.
For example, I discovered that I am allergic to some fruit, had a surreal conversation with a stranger and even had time to watch a movie.
Quite a few days ago, I was feeling really thirsty on my way home from town or somewhere. I decided to pop into 7-Eleven and get a drink.
I was feeling a little depressed and paranoid, so I went straight for the alcohol section. I saw a bottle going for $4.95 and thought ‘This is it!’
Yes I know, I’m really cheap.
Anyway, I finished the entire bottle within 5 minutes, and almost immediately, I felt weird.
It was as if my eyes were swelling up and getting all teary.
I rushed home and looked into the mirror and damn! My eyes were puffy and teary!
I became more depressed and paranoid right then.
I looked at the bottle, searching straight for the ‘ingredients’ section.
All I saw was this:
‘Carbonated water, fruit extract…’
And some other chemical-sounding substances.
Hence, now I am pretty sure that I am allergic to some kinda fruit.
On the topic of alcohol, I have to relate my first drunk experience.
I went to Mambo on Wednesday, and my friend ordered eight jugs for the five of us. Two of these jugs were Long Island Iced Tea, and I finished about half of it before realizing that.
After that Long Island incident, I finished an entire jug of vodka redbull. Within 15 minutes, the world felt wobbly. Nevertheless, I was really happy.
Anyway, I did not notice I was drunk. Not until I saw some transsexuals.
I remember thinking ‘Damn those trannies are hot! I would like to bring one home and show Mum!’
That was the moment when it occurred to me that I might have had too much alcohol.
Anyway, I was really drunk (and very happy too). In my drunken state, I had a really weird conversation with this stranger at an ATM. It went like this –
Smoker Girl: Hey you got a light?
My friend: Nah we don’t smoke.
Smoker Girl: Oh okay.
Me: (pointing to my friend) He doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t drink, HAHAHA.
Smoker Girl: haha.
Me: (With both hands up in the air) BUT HE HAS LONG HAIR!
It was surreal.
Oh by the way, I have to tell you guys about this great movie I watched yesterday.
It is a movie about this group of talking vehicles who tries to save the world. This movie is called ‘Transformers’, and is written by the guy who wrote ‘X-Men’, directed by the guy who directed ‘Pearl Harbor’ and produced by the guy who brought us ‘Jurassic Park’.
Pretty indie stuff, I suppose.
Anyway, the movie was entertaining and enjoyable. If you don’t get what those two words mean, here are some pictures for you:
Don’t like women? Well, these guys are in the movie too:
Just kidding.
Without giving too much away, the movie had an ending where the good triumphed over evil and the boy got the girl.
Isn't it just heartening to see movies try to do things differently?
Author: Ye » Comments:
About a cough
Sunday, June 17, 2007
I have more or less cleared up all those Threadless tees, and my shipping business has reached a cul-de-sac.
Hence, for the past few days, I have been indulging in my favourite hobby – sitting perfectly still.
Nevertheless, I managed to discover something new about myself. It is quite startling because I have known myself for twenty years, and I was sure that it is about time I stop all the surprises.
Not anymore.
I discovered yesterday that I may well be one of the biggest hypochondriacs in Singapore.
Yesterday, I was supposed to meet a few of my friends at Khatib for supper at 1030pm. As usual, I was late. I only left home at about 1025pm. I wasn’t late on purpose, but I never made an effort to be punctual too.
Anyway.
While I was walking towards Sembawang MRT station, I started coughing. It started as a choked-chuckle kind of thing, and gradually escalated into a full-blown tear-inducing cough.
It was terrible.
My brain, being the incredible organ that it is, could not stop functioning even though I was coughing full-time. I wondered about the reasons for the cough.
None of them was any good.
One reason I came up with blamed my surroundings. I live near the Senoko incineration plant and Sembawang Shipyard and it gets really dusty. How dusty can it get? Well, for example, if I stop moving and stay completely still for half an hour, there will be a layer of soot and dust all over me.
Nah, I’m just kidding.
Anyway, back to the cough. I thought I had swallowed a genetically mutated dust mite or something, and I started having panic attacks.
I speculated that this genetically mutated dust mite might be able to clone itself and I might have a dust mite colony within me in seven weeks or something. I worried that I would have to eat dust in order to sustain this colony.
I don’t like the taste of dust very much.
I tried to calm myself down, despite the panic attacks and the incessant cough. I told myself that it might not be that bad, and that it could just be a case of tuberculosis.
And then my panic attacks got worse.
I remembered reading about a guy called Andrew Speaker. Basically, Andrew contracted drug-resistant tuberculosis, and then proceeded to fly around the world with it.
I wondered if he came to Singapore, and if the tuberculosis is as drug-resistant as it sounds.
Luckily for me and my lung, the coughing stopped just as I reached Sembawang MRT station. It was the toughest and longest 10 minutes in my life.
However, I learnt an invaluable lesson in life – walking makes me cough.
Author: Ye » Comments:
A few snippets from my otherwise eventful life.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I have been extremely busy these days.
No, really.
One of the reasons is because of the two big boxes that arrived at my door on Wednesday.
Not too long ago, I conducted a mass order from Threadless.com. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that website before, but I think it’s a pretty popular place where people can pick up some tees.
So anyway, the tees finally arrived, all 137 of them. Even though I initially capped the order at 40 tees, everyone I advertised to went absolutely bonkers and my email soon got flooded. Being the magnanimous person that I am, I could not tell them ‘Nah, the order’s closed because I’m a lazy bastard who only wants to handle 40 shirts’.
And now, I have 137 tees sitting in my living room, waiting to be sorted and packed.
On the very day that the tees arrived, I also decided to start my own little shipping business.
If you click here, you will see how it works.
Basically, I can, and will, ship whatever you want from Japan back to Singapore. I know it is not an entirely novel idea, and I know that I have a huge-ass competitor in the form of vPost Japan, but I also happen to know how vPost Japan works and how much cheaper my service is.
vPost Japan uses the item’s volumetric weight (which is higher) to calculate shipping, while I use the item’s actual weight (much lower). To spare you from all of the technicalities of the logistics business, I’ll sum it up into one short simple sentence: vPost Japan stinks, I rock.
However, starting this business also means that I will be very busy. Especially when 137 tees arrive on my doorstep on the same day. Therefore, I have dozens of email enquiries in my inbox, two bank accounts to check all the time, and a few advertisements to plug, all at the same time.
On another note, Paris Hilton is going to jail. Again.
Even though she was sentenced to a 45-day stay, she left the prison after three days. I don’t know about you guys, but I think it’s a little bit unfair.
The exact reason is unclear, but the official stand was that it was for medical reasons. I also heard some rumours through the grapevine about the exact medical reason.
Apparently, Paris developed a severe, stress-induced herpes outbreak. I’m not trying to shock you people, but it was said that the blisters had spread to her anus and had taken on abscess-like features.
Now that’s hot!
Anyway, her ass (and the blisters) was hauled back to court yesterday and the judge ruled out the sheriff’s decision. He also stated that Paris will serve her entire 45-day sentence in prison.
I may be exaggerating a little, but I think the judge, Michael Sauer, could be the new Captain America.
It also seems that Paris is not adapting well to prison life this time, because unlike the Hilton Hotels, she doesn’t get to keep her own keys.
Terrible isn’t it?
Well, to uplift the mood of this entry, I have decided to post a picture of the pregnant Salma Hayek.
Ladies and gentlemen, we may be staring at the solution to Third World hunger. I am not trying to sound like a douchebag, but check out those boobs!
Now that I got that out of my system, I have a little plugging to do.
Yesterday, I decided that my iPod’s stock earphones just couldn’t cut it, and sauntered down to Adelphi.
Why Adelphi?
Well, I have heard a lot of good stuff about this place called Jaben, so I decided to check it out.
When I arrived, I was confused. There were tonnes of people there, just sitting around the shop, chatting to one another. I walked into the shop, and people were still sitting there, chatting to one another.
It is really confusing when you walk into a shop and people just sit around and talk. What made it worse was that nobody was wearing a uniform and I could not approach anyone without offending them.
So I stood there, feeling like an idiot. Then I mustered up my courage and talked to a friendly-looking uncle, telling him that I was new there.
He immediately brought me out of the shop and announced to everyone, ‘He’s new here’; asked me to grab some food and just hang out.
How cool is that? I mean, I walk into the shop expecting to fend off some hard-selling, but instead, I got some food and lots of warm hospitality.
Then I chilled there for an hour or so, listening to other audiophiles talk about their stuff. Most of the time, I don’t really get what they’re saying, but I could see that they really know their stuff.
Anyway, I got my earphones, the MylarThrees, for $65. It is an awesome deal, I tell you. The friendly-looking uncle, Uncle Wilson, allowed me to test them out for as long as I wanted to. There was not an ounce of pressure on me to buy them.
When I finally bought them, he gave me a headphone stand worth $28 and a timbuk2 pouch worth $15. Technically, I only paid $22 for the awesome earphones.
Now I’m not trying to over-glorify Jaben’s, but I think paying $65 for a pair of earphones, a headphone stand, a timbuk2 pouch, some Bailey’s and some good food is quite a good deal.
I’ve added a link to their blog, so do check them out if you need any audio equipment.
Author: Ye » Comments:
This is a post from the broken-hearted.
Monday, June 04, 2007
It’s almost two weeks since I last updated my blog. In that seemingly-short span of time, a number of tragedies have struck me and the world (in order of relevance).
I tossed and turned in bed last night, and simply could not fall asleep because today was the Big Day.
The day when Paris Hilton is gonna be jailed.
This is probably one of the biggest days ever in Hollywood, simply because one of Hollywood’s brightest young starlets is going to jail.
Paris Hilton, a multi-talented star who has managed to establish herself across the music industry, movie industry, modeling industry, television industry, adult industry and within the pants of many random men, is going to the prison.
If you haven’t heard, Paris was originally jailed for 45 days. However due to the congested nature of the prisons in America (I wonder why), she will only be inside the slammer for 23 days.
That is still too long for me.
All she did was to drive a Bentley at 70mph on a 35mph road, during a period when her license was suspended. And why was her license suspended? Well, she only drove under the influence of alcohol, no biggie. It is not as if she might kill someone in a road-rage incident fueled by alcohol.
As of today, Paris has reported to jail. I am worried sick. I heard a lot of rumours regarding her upcoming stint in prison, and I must assure you, they are extremely disturbing.
One of these, I heard, was that the prison wardens have replaced the normal grey bars of her cell with phallic-looking bars. I am losing sleep over this because Paris might just choke on these specially-designed bars.
It is in times like these that I wonder about the justice, or lack thereof, in this world. I mean, here we are, sending a perfect lady who welcomes everyone with open limbs to the prison, while a grotesque monster like Rosie O’Donnell is still out there, scheming to hog all the nuggets in the world.
I rest my case.
The next tragedy may be a little bit more earth-shaking. Tough to believe, but I think it just might be true.
My colleagues and friends actually think that I may be a woman.
All right, calm down. Especially all you guys going ‘HURRAY!’
Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m still a guy.
Just because I like to drink apple martinis, gin tonics, vodka ribenas, and pina colada; don’t really care about boobs; prefer cats to dogs; fuss about my hair all the time; start whining when I walk for more than five minutes; don’t mind fighting with my teeth and nails if necessary; am afraid of snails; am undecisive; have a pink handkerchief; love a bed-sheet adorned with pictures of toy trains and cars; and hate to sweat, doesn’t mean that I may be a woman inside right?
I hope all you readers acknowledge that my colleagues have erred in their judgment. I really hope that they are wrong, because I’m only 20, and I’m still a little too young for an identity crisis.
If you really agree with my colleagues and friends, I might get really depressed and start binging.
Actually, typing this entry has already caused tears to well up in my eyes. I guess I shall retire to my bed (with the toy-trains-and-cars bed-sheet), and cry myself to sleep in this lonely, lonely night…
Author: Ye » Comments:
