The golden god has met his nemesis.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I have not been updating for a couple of reasons:
1) I have been sick from all the happiness surrounding the recent festivities. Now that the Season of Gambling is over, I am once again in the pink of health. My lymph nodes feel kinda swollen though, so I'm gonna have them checked...
2) I have met my nemesis.
I believe I have talked about my general distaste for happy festivals once or twice here, but I don't think I've ever mentioned my innate hatred for stupid people.
To be honest, I only discovered this passionate hatred recently, when a new colleague joined my department. For confidentiality reasons, I shall name her Blob (in view of her size and general flaccidness).
You see, the thing about Blob is that she thinks she's in her own wonderful world, where she's curvaceous, smart and doing great in her new job. Heck, she probably invented sunlight in Blob Kingdom!
Unfortunately for her (and many of us within the same office), everything is totally different in this real world (which incidentally is all about me).
For example, she is not curvaceous. Unless, of course, you believe that the circle is actually one big curve.
I shall not dwell on her size though, because that would be really personal and unfeeling (not to mention nauseating).
Blob is also dumb. She is so dumb that if she lost all her cognitive prowess one day, nobody would actually notice. You see, there are three kinds of people in the office; good workers, good-for-nothing workers, and then there's Blob.
As a matter of fact, just today, I had to explain a three-worded phrase to her four times. And these three words had an average of two syllables each.
Oh, and words. Don't even get me started.
Part of her job requires her to deal with people. Converse in English, write in English, the whole she-bang. Perhaps, in a Shakespearian twist of fate, Blob does not really know any English.
Well, okay, she does know a few words like food, spoon, Marks & Spencer's, and maybe even table, but she spells 'writing' with double ts!
But that's not all!
Like I mentioned earlier, Blob has to converse in English. However, it seems that she has this little speech impediment where she swallows up a few letters here and there.
For example, and this is my favourite by the way, nothing is ever pronounced 'never' in Blob Kingdom. No way.
In that wonderful place, the word 'never' is read as 'lehhhhhhh'. So everytime I say something contradictory to her simplistic notions, Blob looks deep into my eyes and go 'LEHHHHHHH MIND!'
Most of the time, I have to give in.
I mean, honestly, how can you argue with 'LEHHHHHHH MIND'?! She says the words with such heartfelt emotion and conviction!
I kinda worry for her though. Just imagine if she went to Cambodia for a holiday or something.
Say something