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The point of this entry.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I am, unfortunately, a Singaporean male. This means that I am obligated to own an iPod and to go through National Service, which is this program that forces every male in Singapore to go to military school and pick up some vulgarities.

Fortunately for me (or unfortunately?), my spine is as crooked as the government and thus, I am not considered combat-fit.

Nevertheless, my beloved country still decided that it was in her best interests to conscript me anyway, and then see what I can do for them.

So here I am, in a cold office surrounded by incompetent fools.

But that's not the point.

I love my job, I really do. Much of my National Service is spent answering the phone, where people call and ask questions which I usually have no answer to. So I usually do what every man does when in a conversation with a woman - grunt at appropriate moments.

These people usually feel better after that. I guess hearing me grunt can be therapeutic.

But that's not the point either.

Part of my job also includes handling a particular schizophrenic who's daily routine revolves around calling me.

He shall be called Schizo Cow for the sake of anonymity on this blog, and his story seems to be a tragic one. He confessed to me sometime back that he was framed for mass-murder and his victims included his primary school teacher and neighbours.

Naturally, I had my doubts about this, because schizophrenics tend to imagine things.

Nonetheless, I entertain him everytime he calls, because I am affectionately known as his 'only friend' in the world. He doesn't have any other friends because nobody believes his story.

I wonder why.

Anyway, Schizo Cow has a nemesis, in the form of one Eric. I have no idea who this Eric is, but Schizo Cow insists that Eric cut his pubic hair back when they were in the Navy. It's amazing what some people do when they think nobody's watching.

So like any other day, Schizo Cow called me this morning and updated me on his daily adventures:

Schizo Cow: Hello Johnny! (Yea, he couldn't pronounce my name so I asked him to call me Johnny)

Me: Yes?

Schizo Cow: You know, I was buying rice today and the auntie gave me a lot of fish! I was very happy because she gave me very little fish yesterday. But when I went home I found that the fish had a lot of bones! I think they are trying to kill me for revenge! You know why? Because they think that I killed a lot of people. I got blood on my hands. True story Sir.

Me: *grunt*

Schizo Cow: True story Sir! I think Eric poisoned their minds and tell them that I killed a lot of people in Tanglin Halt Primary School. Sir, is Eric still in prison? (Yes, I lied to him about Eric being in prison. Whatever to make him feel safe, man.)

Me: *grunt*

Schizo Cow: Huh?

Me: Oh yes, yes.

Schizo Cow: Wah so long? Good good. Sir, do you think that Eric's wife can come to my house and atone for Eric's mistakes? *insert uncomfortable chuckle here* (Uncomfortable to me, that is)

Me: *grunt*

Schizo Cow: Sometimes I don't know if Eric is an Angel or a Devil sent to punish me.

Me: Have you taken your medicine today?

Schizo Cow: Ok, thank you Sir byebye!

This happens almost daily, and that, my friends, is the point of this entry.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 11:14 AM.

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