Knock, knock, knocking on the backdoor.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The past few days were probably one of the most exciting periods in Singaporean history, almost as exciting as the day the Singaporean Overlord cried on national TV in 1965.
What the heck am I going on about?
Well, the entire saga started when a bunch of kids got bored with life and started a website. They weren't really smart people though, so the only way to garner attention to their website was to say something controversial. Their choice? To legalize anal sex!
A little while later, another bunch of people received the news of the new very-controversial website and decided to have one of their own. They were extremely creative and started a website with a different name. The message was different as well, and that was to keep anal sex banned.
Yes, anal sex is still banned in Singapore, like bubble gum, littering and lynching.
Anyway, a fight was brewing in the horizon.
In the blue corner, we have repeal377a.com. These people are a bunch of activists who are trying to get the law changed, so that we can all have anal sex legally. Their objective is to push for equal treatment before the law. Sure, I mean, legal anal sex is all about equal treatment before the law, and not one thing about pleasure, right?
On the other hand, we have a group of parents and conservatives who are trying to keep the law at keep377a.com. Basically, these people believe that repealing 377a of the Penal Code will turn all our kids gay and corrode our values. Plus, they also know for a fact that it is anal sex, and not promiscuous sex, that spreads HIV. Very smart observations.
And just as we expected, the funkier pink brigade has their own mascot - the famous wizard Dumbledore, who is known to perform wonders with his wand.
The conservative relics, however, chose to name everyone as their mascot, calling everyone 'The Majority'. Smart move in doing that, cause that just made that old lady in the corner a fighter for their cause.
So they got their own websites and started slinging shots at each other, calling each other prudes and homos. Ah, just another intellectual debate in Singapore.
Then the law spoke. Apparently, the law of the land has decided that anal sex should be illegal still.
This means that all of us, no matter straight or gay, must take note of a few things:
(in order of importance)
1) The pick-up line, 'Can I push that stool in for you?' is still illegal.
2) There could be a new team designated to take down people who engage in anal sex. Butt Patrol anyone? Oh, and hurray for new employment opportunities!
3) In order to assist the Butt Patrollers, a similar squad of canines must be set-up. We could call it the Butt Mutts.
4) Public displays of affection towards unicorns are still frowned upon.
5) Anal sex is actually illegal.
Hence, here's my advice to all the hot-blooded adolescents out there in Singapore: remember, anal sex is just like littering - it's illegal when you get caught!
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