I'm a sellout
Friday, April 27, 2007
Hatta, my biggest fan with a staggering record of two posts on my tag board, commented on my previous piece that I ‘should write a book’.
I considered his suggestion, dwelled over it for a few minutes, and decided that it simply wasn’t gonna work.
Apart from the never-ending and aptly titled ‘Russell Lee’s Almost Complete Collection of True Singapore Ghost Stories (Volumes One to Seven Million)’, there are simply no other successes in the local publishing industry.
Plus, I actually had trouble coming up with a name for my would-be book.
First, I thought of competing with Russell Lee for the ‘Longest Book Title’ award. I wanted to call my book ‘Ye HongXiang’s Almost Complete Collection of True Singapore Life Stories’. And then, just to up the ante, I will include the words (paperback edition) and (based on a true story).
The full title would read ‘Ye HongXiang’s Almost Complete Collection of True Singapore Life Stories (paperback edition) (based on a true story)’. Isn’t that awesome?
The book will be choke-full of stories about how life screwed me, just like how Russell Lee’s book was all about how ghosts screwed people. Literally. I once read a story in Russell Lee’s book about a man having sex with a ghost. The man even claimed that the ghost took away a lot of his ‘vital energy’.
I guess the Japanese heard that story and decided to put words into action. Check it out here.
Then I thought of calling my book ‘Memoirs of Ye HongXiang’. It sounded as passé as it looked and I gave it up almost immediately. I mean, come on, how can I expect to compete with ‘Memoirs of Lee Kuan Yew’?! He’s the freakin' Overlord of Singapore man!
In addition, there is another famous book called ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, but it is basically about how prostitutes in Japan used to put on heavy make-up, play some weird wayang music, and refuse to let their customers touch them. Essentially the same story as ‘Memoirs of Lee Kuan Yew’, with a little bit more make-up.
With such insurmountable difficulties presenting themselves, I decided to take the easy way out and continue posting on my blog. This effectively makes me an online writer-cum-publisher, and that is way cooler than Russell Lee and his team of ghost writers.
Damn, this is the second consecutive post in which I digressed. I was supposed to talk about how much of a sellout I am, wasn’t I?
If you noticed, I now have Google’s advertisements right at the bottom of my blog. In order to prevent it from obstructing my blog, I decided to place it right at the bottom, even lower than the link for Hatta’s blog. That’s how unimportant it is.
Even though I say this, I would really appreciate it if you people could click on the ads once in a while, just to let me earn a few cents. Those few cents could go a long way into helping me with paying for something. I’m not sure what this something is, but I assure you, I’ll be pretty damn sure when the money comes.
However, if you really hate those ads, just voice it out to me via email. Just drop me an email with a subject that says ‘I HATE ADS’ and I will send you a step-by-step guide on how to block them. I am THAT cool. Take it from me, kids; always keep that indie streak of yours.
Don’t get me wrong, I still hate ads. I get at least a few everyday, screaming titles like ‘SEXUALLY EXPLICIT’, ‘ENLARGE YOUR PENIS’ and “RESURFACE YOUR KITCHEN’. I have this sneaky feeling that all three ads are related because the one about enlarging my penis always comes after the one about sexually explicit stuff. ‘RESURFACE YOUR KITCHEN’ always follows the other two, and never states what I should resurface my kitchen with. Pretty suggestive and gross, I would say.
Now that you understand me, please scroll down (that’s right, even lower than Hatta’s blog link) and click on those ads.
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on Friday, April 27, 2007 at 7:50 AM.
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